5 Tips to Help You Socialize a Shy Cat
Written by Karma Cat Foster, Socializer, Crafting Guru, and Blog Writer, Jacqueline R.
Bringing home a new a cat is exciting; but for a shy cat, moving to a new environment can be scary. I know we all want our new cat to instantly love us and snuggle with us, and getting to know your shy cat can take a great deal of patience; but the return on your love investment will be worth it as you watch your new companion take those precious first steps to becoming your BFF.
1 – Smells like Comfort
Cats are both territorial and creatures of habit. They find comfort and safety in their own castle, surrounded by familiar things, people, and most importantly, their own scent. You may have noticed your kitty likes to rub their face, tail, or scratch on things – chairs, your legs, new toys, the dog – this isn’t just love! They are using the scent glands in their cheeks, tail, and paws to rub their pheromones all over. It’s their way of claiming all these things as “mine”! When a kitty is new to their home you may see them sitting or all tucked up in loaf position in the litter box; we see this often when we bring kitties to adoption events and they are in their crates. This is a comforting spot because, for better or worse, it’s where they can best smell themselves. We recommend that you don’t change their blanket or bed pillow cover too often (unless it’s soiled and thus necessary), especially when they first move in, as having their scent on it will help them feel safer and adjust more quickly.
2 – Every Cat Needs a “Home Base”
It’s also the case too much “territory” can be overwhelming at first. When we bring new kitties to the adoption center, we give them a minimum 24 hour decompression time in their new enclosure to become familiar with the sights, sounds, and smells of their new habitat. For adopters, we recommend setting them up in a small room, like a bathroom or small bedroom, for at least 24 hours. The room shouldn’t have difficult to reach places where they can hide (like under a bed) so that you can still interact with them, and contain all their necessities – food, water, bed, toys, scratcher, and litter box. This is their “home base” and will likely be where they run to for comfort or when they are frightened long after they have adjusted to the rest of the house. You may also want to leave his carrier in the room with a soft blanket inside, so he can use it as a “safe spot.” Consider leaving a radio or television on for the cat, preferably on calm channels, so he can get used to non-threatening human noise. You can actually find YouTube videos of music specifically for calming cats!
It may take an hour, a day, or three weeks, but what you’re looking for is the sign that they are ready for more adventure. This typically comes in the form of when you find them excited to see you, and/or waiting at the door ready to greet you for dinner and pets.
3 – Take it slowly!
During the initial adjustment time, start by just hanging out with your shy cat several times during the day, even for 15-20 minutes each time. Bring a book and a cup of coffee and just sit there quietly. Let your kitty see and smell you, and realize you’re not a threat. Don’t move to the next step until kitty seems comfortable with your visits. We all want to shower our new friend with attention, but having your hand reach for them immediately may scare them. Let them come to you when they’re ready. Always talk softly and move slowly, cats do not take well to sudden movements or loud noises. At the beginning of this process, soft talking can be more soothing than petting. You could even read aloud that book you have with you!
When your cat seems comfortable with you just being in the room, hold out your hand, palm down and relaxed below their chin level, and let the cat smell you as you continue talking sweetly and softly. Try those slow blinks to let kitty know you’re their friend (a slow blink is when you look slightly away from their eyes, close your eyes slowly, pause, and then open them again just as slowly). Kitty may even start to slow blink back! If they seem calm when your hand approaches, you could try to gently stroke their cheek, moving gradually towards the top of kitty’s head if they continue to allow it. Watch body language carefully! If you see their tail start to twitch quickly, or their ears go back, or if they back away and/or hiss or swat, you have gone too far. If they aren’t ready for human touch, you can try a telescoping back scratcher to show kitty how good scritches feel without necessarily needing to have your hand next to them. Give them the freedom to leave when they want to, and NEVER grab them or try to pull them onto your lap before they’re ready. Do not be surprised or discouraged if the cat shows NO interest in approaching you. Try the next few steps to create positive associations.
4 – The Way to a Cat’s Heart is Through her Stomach
Another step towards helping your shy kitty is by creating positive food experiences for your cat while you are with them. Offer treats like tuna, Churus, temptations, or even human baby food (pure meat flavors with no onion powder or garlic). Be sure that you don’t give him these items at any other time except when you are with them, so they learns to associate you with yummy food. In fact, it’s often beneficial to ensure you are present for every meal you bring your kitty. Learning that when you are there, good things like dinner happen, helps put you and your kitty on the road to mutual love and trust. If you put down food and leave, then the “magic bowl” becomes their best friend, and they won’t have motivation to be more friendly to you!
Begin each socialization session with about 1 tablespoon of their favorite treat. You can start by holding the treat out next to them to see if they will smell and/or lick it. They may be too frightened to even sniff at first, and that’s ok. Continue to offer the treat patiently, giving slow blinks and speaking softly to them. If they continue to be stubborn, dab a tiny bit on their paw so they will lick it off and discover how tasty it is. If none of this is working, place a little bit of the treat on a bowl or small plate and set it near them, then back away. See how far you need to go before she will be brave enough to try. This will be your starting point, and from hereon out, the game will be to slowly shuffle closer each time, stopping and going back if kitty won’t eat, using plates, bowls, spoons, and then your fingers, until you get to a point where you can sit and offer the treat by hand with kitty licking it off your finger! In all cases, if kitty has not eaten the treat by the time you leave the room, take the treat with you.
It may take a few sessions before your cat will eat the treat in your presence, and many times the first pets will be permitted while they are engrossed in eating dinner – remember to be patient, and let your cat learn at their own pace.
5 – Every Cat is a Kitten at Heart
Another trick is to start creating positive play experiences. Some cats will respond to play before they will respond to food. Using an interactive toy, such as a feathered wand, which most cats seem to love pouncing, jumping, and playing with, can be fun for both of you.
Whatever toy you choose, start by setting the toy gently near your cat to let them smell and get used to it. Do not shove it towards them or start waving it in their face. Once they seems comfortable with the object, slowly pick up the toy. If your cat seems receptive, then use the toy in a slow but playful manner until kitty starts to interact with it. This may start with just some interest – the eyes getting big and watching intently, or the butt giving a little wiggle. If kitty seems interested and not scared, allow the movements of the toy to become a little more “prey” like – think about a mouse or bug scurrying across the floor, stopping frequently to inspect its surroundings. These kinds of movements will attract kitty, and you may see the hunter come out! Eventually, once kitty is up and chasing the toy, you may be able to use it to lure the kitty closer to you (just be careful not to swing it near your face or exposed skin – they may be in full hunter mode and end up accidentally scratching you!). When the cat is comfortable coming near you, or even climbing on or over you while playing, start to try a little petting or touch once they start to get tired and the play session is done. They idea is to continue creating positive associations with your presence: humans mean fun time and food!
The Real Secret to Getting a Shy Cat to be More Social…
As written in the lovely book The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.”
You just need to love love love your kitty. Watch them, how they act and react, and they’ll tell you everything they need you to know. In their own time their personality will shine and your bond with them will grow and grow.
There are a myriad of resources online to help you with your shy kitty. People like Jackson Galaxy and Kitten Lady have multiple videos on YouTube showing all kinds of fixes for kitties in need. Of course, if you have any further questions, or need any help, don’t hesitate to contact us at Karma Cat + Zen Dog at info@karmacat.org – we’ll be glad to offer whatever support we can for you and your new best friend.